5 Annoyingly Common Relationship Mistakes
Relationships come in various forms – friendship, love, marriage, as well as parent-child or work relations. But we still manage to make the same hurtful mistakes in them. Which ones?
- Focus on stereotypes, cultural myths, gender attitudes, or parental advice
Stereotypes greatly interfere with and limit our lives. Dreaming of a perfect relationship, we, being the product of rigid gender education, often look for specific traits than a partner in general. ‘A man should have goals and purpose, son;’ ‘My dear, a woman should be feminine and fully dedicated to her family.’ As a result, we can’t accept someone for who they are and put up with their shortcomings or weaknesses, even if we like this person.
The same goes for nationality-based stereotypes. We’ve all heard how romantic French guys can be or how gorgeous Eastern European ladies are. And that’s why some men get so disappointed when their ‘perfect’ partners turn out to be ordinary women.
- Illusions/unrealistic expectations
When starting relationships, we bring tons of hopes and expectations into them. We paint ourselves pictures of a wonderful future, idealizing our partners. We make them part of our lives, even if they haven’t promised us anything yet.
This also concerns the illusion that we can control the partner together with their desires and feelings. We want to believe that the relationship is an indestructible shrine, and the one next to us will never leave. These illusions keep us from seeing our partners as they are. We cherish our own dreams, but we don’t see who’s in front of us and what they’re capable of.
- Excessive, unjustified demands
And when you’ve already built the perfect image of that special someone and began making plans for the future, you find out they don’t want to become the person you expect them to be because what you’re asking for is too much.
- Attempts to alter your partner’s personality
For many of us, love associates with sharing common views. The feeling that you think the same way and love the same things creates the illusion of closeness, unity, and security. And in this cloudless merger, every difference is perceived very painfully. ‘You’re not like I imagined, you feel differently; you have a different opinion; you don’t understand me – it means that you don’t love me’ (or ‘we don’t fit each other’). “You’re too soft (lazy, unambitious); you’re so cold (insincere, self-centered) – why? Change! Become different! Give up your hobbies, quit your job, lose weight, change your hair!’
And people don’t understand that if they fall in love with someone despite their imperfections, this counts for something. You can’t change another person. It won’t work unless they want to change themselves.
- Attempts to dominate relationships
As well as the desire to be in charge, lead, control, advise, patronize, and own another person completely, choke them with your love, and impose your own idea of happiness. In harsher versions – to suppress, devalue, and violate boundaries, while feeling strong and right.
